Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
