some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
