We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
