I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
