I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
