Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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