if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
