One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
