Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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