We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
