Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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