OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
