his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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