My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
