honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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