I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
