i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
