I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
PANTIES FOUND
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
