I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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