I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You left your underwear on the fireplace
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
