so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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