dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
