And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
