How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
