Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
