i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
