I wish my penis had an off switch
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
