I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
