i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
