nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
