so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
