she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
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