whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
