Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
