I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
