Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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