Cold hands, warm shart.
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
