Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
