Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
