I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
