Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Randomize
