why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
