Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
