Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
