i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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