Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
