All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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