Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
