Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Ketchup is God's man juice
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
