i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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