were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
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