i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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