I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
