I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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